The Fool Out Of Me

Uneasy feeling - anger, hostility. Blinded by rage and insecurity. The feeling of hatred is lurking inside of me, watching my throat, ready to strike a cut! Every time I see those eyes, my inner demon wakes in slumber. Was I to blame, was she?

I had never thought I would stoop down so low. Deep in the mud of shame, so unbecoming of me. On bended knees, not I pray, on bended knees, so hard I uttered a profanity. 

I came to you, unforgiving! I fall, victim, right at my own game. You smiled the sweetest smile, I knew then that I have lost. I have not mistaken what was reflected in your eyes. Hypocrisy, malice, and victory over me!

I stepped back, think twice as hard, how was my calm before your cancer grows in on me. I am at peace, I walked my own pace, but you are forceful and I am weak. I let you play the fool out of me!

I now know what your intentions are. It is never to prove yourself for me to look at you in the eye. It is to stir my bad side, wreck chaos in me and watched me defeated while playing my own game!

To my old self who's had this recollection. Keep in mind, you have not lost yet. 

I know why evil always finds a way. Evil preys on the vulnerable. The only way to fight back is to hold my fortress up, never lose myself, my calm and my peace.

On bended knees, now I pray.

Try me next time, it will be a hell of a game to play!

This came to be written as such in reference to the inner demon deep in slumber in each of us. In every ounce of my being, I was left alone to this feelings not until I had the redemption I needed to. All it takes is the tip of a pen, written with honesty. I may not be the best version of myself yet - but I am getting there, each new day, in every step of the way.